Finally - Redemption

Well after last weeks bullshit weight gain. YES IT WAS BULLSHIT AND I'M STILL BITTER!

I redeemed myself this week with a 3.8lb drop and finally breaking the 10lb goal club! My first 10lbs. Why does it have to feel like soooo much work to drop 10lbs. I mean crap. It doesn't feel like I have even made a dent in my weightloss efforts. I want to be healthy and I want to be in the middle of my BMI. That is my end goal and I am well aware I am far from it. But I don't want to dwell on that.

I want to rejoice in getting through the toughest part of the year. The part of the year with all the celebrations, parties, holiday mixers and losing 10lbs. I want to remind myself of how hard this was, and how many good decisions I made. I want to be a different person and I'm moving towards that goal, by dropping not just 10lbs but dropping the attitude and habits that made me who I am today. So sure I have over 100lbs more to lose and yes that is a lot. But the person I am becoming is going to be well worth it. I won't have the guilt, the shame, the sadness. I won't feel like I'm not deserving or ready or that it isn't possible.

I want to believe. I want to believe in myself that I can do this and I can be a different person. A person that cares about herself. A successful, sexy, smart, sophisticated and attractive human being that people will notice.

So now that I am passed my 10lb goal the next goal is 20! 10lbs more. Small steps make it seem so much easier. Cause each loss whether it is .2 or 2 is a loss that get's me closer to my final goal. 100 .2 losses is 20lbs.

I am weight watcher with a vengence. This week's challenges. Holiday Party, Holiday Lunch. Next week another lunch and you know what each week is another mixer or lunch or whatever and I'm sick and tired of calling them challenges. Because it is life. Life that I have to start looking at in a different way. I have to stop thinking about when a binge is a good binge and a bad binge. That is bullshit. I have to start thinking healthy -- ALL THE TIME! Period. That means if I'm having a drink so be it - but I'm not having 10. If I'm having a piece of cake so be it - but I'm not having a quarter of a cake slice, and then topping it off with a second slice.

I am in control. AND I LOVE IT!

So Scale you better not piss my off again for I will destroy you. YOU HEAR ME!

FUCKING BULLSHIT SCALE!

Don't get mad - there might be another reason.

Ok. So this week me and scale had a disagreement. I'm points of a pound a way from my 10lb goal and it has been pretty stressful. Last week I had what you would call the perfect week. Topped off by the fact that I had not one glass of alcohol to drink at the company event and didn't even pig out on hors doevres either. I drank water and had a few cubes of cheese.

So when you are sober and the rest of your friends are wasted there is a feeling of I wish I could be right there with them, but I didn't have that feeling. I had a power feeling because I was sooo close to my first big milestone goal, that I made the decision not to partake in the extra points. Besides the big company party is coming up in just a few weeks and well that is the time to celebrate if I want to. How sweet it would be to celebrate it after I've reached my 10lb goal.

Needless to say I was feeling pretty good about myself all day Friday when the rest of the company was hungover and I was chipper and ready for the scale on Saturday. Then something happened between Friday and Saturday. First I got sick with some bug, the scratchy throat became a stuffy, sneezy, sniffly head cold, it snowed and I must have dreamt about eating something really good because somehow between Friday and Saturday I gained 1.8 pounds.

So at weight watchers on the scale I was pissed. FUCKING PISSED! I mean if I was going to gain 1.8 pounds I might as well have indulged in the alcohol at the party no? So now I'm sick and I'm 2.2 lbs from goal and frankly I want to take that scale and bash it against the wall.

But I don't. Cause that will probably get me kicked out of weight watchers. So I sit sulking in the meeting glad the leader has lots more to talk about. Hearing about everyone's great week. Then I go home and pass out. I keep track of all my points this week cause hey I'm Weight Watcher with a vengence and I'll be damned if I get on that scale this week and gain! I'm bringing the tracker in to show my leader that the perfect week is the perfect week. OK let's be fair I may have not had all my veggies every day and then there is those stupid Oils additions that you are supposed to have don't always have those too and the milk. Well I'm pretty good about the milk. The water ... I'm pretty good with that too!

This week will be different. Cause in my rage and crazed frustration last week I forgot to check my calendar and well we all know what can happen certain times in a month. So I'm hoping the 1.8 lbs plus plus plus will be gone this week. For I'm writing everything down, I'm drinking my water and eating my veggies and I'll even have the 2 oils a day.

Let's hope next week you don't read about a crazed Weight Watcher freaking out at her meeting and throwing scales around!

Let's hope!