Finally - Redemption

Well after last weeks bullshit weight gain. YES IT WAS BULLSHIT AND I'M STILL BITTER!

I redeemed myself this week with a 3.8lb drop and finally breaking the 10lb goal club! My first 10lbs. Why does it have to feel like soooo much work to drop 10lbs. I mean crap. It doesn't feel like I have even made a dent in my weightloss efforts. I want to be healthy and I want to be in the middle of my BMI. That is my end goal and I am well aware I am far from it. But I don't want to dwell on that.

I want to rejoice in getting through the toughest part of the year. The part of the year with all the celebrations, parties, holiday mixers and losing 10lbs. I want to remind myself of how hard this was, and how many good decisions I made. I want to be a different person and I'm moving towards that goal, by dropping not just 10lbs but dropping the attitude and habits that made me who I am today. So sure I have over 100lbs more to lose and yes that is a lot. But the person I am becoming is going to be well worth it. I won't have the guilt, the shame, the sadness. I won't feel like I'm not deserving or ready or that it isn't possible.

I want to believe. I want to believe in myself that I can do this and I can be a different person. A person that cares about herself. A successful, sexy, smart, sophisticated and attractive human being that people will notice.

So now that I am passed my 10lb goal the next goal is 20! 10lbs more. Small steps make it seem so much easier. Cause each loss whether it is .2 or 2 is a loss that get's me closer to my final goal. 100 .2 losses is 20lbs.

I am weight watcher with a vengence. This week's challenges. Holiday Party, Holiday Lunch. Next week another lunch and you know what each week is another mixer or lunch or whatever and I'm sick and tired of calling them challenges. Because it is life. Life that I have to start looking at in a different way. I have to stop thinking about when a binge is a good binge and a bad binge. That is bullshit. I have to start thinking healthy -- ALL THE TIME! Period. That means if I'm having a drink so be it - but I'm not having 10. If I'm having a piece of cake so be it - but I'm not having a quarter of a cake slice, and then topping it off with a second slice.

I am in control. AND I LOVE IT!

So Scale you better not piss my off again for I will destroy you. YOU HEAR ME!

FUCKING BULLSHIT SCALE!