The Day Before the Beginning

So in hopes of not killing two years worth of diet and exercise and ALOT of money. I've decided to embark on a new program to help keep me in balance. The old program Jenny Craig, made me sick, vitamin deficient to be exact. Eating nothing but processed foods mixed in with a few fresh fruit and vegetables hurt me over the long run. I guess you're body just get's used to it, or stops processing it. Whatever it was it was unfortunate. Because I did lose weight, and I did have total control of my life. It spilled over every aspect of my life, my work, my relationships and of course my clothes. I changed into a completely different person. That is why I don't want to lose everything I gained on this journey, that is why I'm started fresh on a new program.

This time Weight Watchers. Hopefuly I will be able to get the same "control feeling" I've had up until now. This time eating grocery bought foods. Fresh god-created food that isn't going to make me sick!

So before you embark on a new journey it is important to reflect what brought you there. (I don't know why, it is just what everyone says.) So here goes...

Why am I starting this progam?
I'm fat. Morbidly obese according to the BMI. Doctor says it too, but in a much kinder gentler way. More like "you are at a high risk of..." then she lists everything I'm at a high risk of. Too long a list to remember. I'm sad. I hate looking in the mirror and at pictures. I hate the way I look. I don't want to look like this anymore. I'm frustrated. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING. Why is it so hard? I exercise. I try and eat healthy. I try and drink water. I try so hard but it is never enough. I get frustrated then I fall. I'm lonely. How can anyone else like me if I don't like myself?

With that said ... I'm on a mission. A mission to redeem myself. A mission to prove to myself that I can continue this journey and get to the end. No unrealistic goals. No putting myself down. Starting tomorrow (after endulging in a few sinful eats) I will be the new person again. The new person I became last year that changed her job, changed her style, changed her attitude and was on top of the world.